1J was my class – Miss Jackson with the big bum, later to become Mrs Craze, was our form teacher. She had rosy cheeks and big blue tracky bottoms. We sat in alphabetical order, so Ana Arends (hot brother alert!) was at the front, and I sat in between Jane Short and Heather Thomas. Although it was Sarah Ford whom I wished to sit by; I thought she was so beautiful!
So in a year which saw the first screenings of Eastenders, that Hunky Boris Becker winning Wimbledon at 17, and the occasion that was Live Aid; the live music marathon which raised over GBP30 million in aid for the plight of millions of north-east Africans in the wake of severe drought, disease and famine; in a little town called Bebington, a couple of hundred 11 year olds met for the first time and together forged many lifetime friends, trends and memories. And Mick Jagger and David Bowie were number 1 with 'Dancing in the Street'! Let the fun begin...!
Wirral Grammar was a very middle class school and I think made those of us who had to queue outside Mrs Schwartz’s office during Monday morning break-times for our free school dinner tokens, feel a little inferior! Those dinner tokens – worth 70p! Almost every day of my duration at Wirral, I spent every penny of that 70p on a sausage roll, chips and beans followed by a chocolate crispie cake! No wonder I am the athlete I am today!
And with memories of dinner tokens come memories of the dinner queue in the cloakroom where I would stand every day with Jenny Campbell and Louise Young, patiently awaiting my sausage roll and no doubt comparing perfection of rolled-down socks and our latest pair of Creepers (mine were a cheap imitation from Birkenhead market but which were still almost too cool for school).
In one of our first Home Ec classes with Mrs Barnard I remember the fun we had attempting to ‘plait’ our pastry in order for the spectaculor creation of ‘sausage plait’, and the spatula inspired sausage fight which ensued. Of course there was the Wirral urban myth that Mrs Barnard would sit and pick her nose before helping you knead your pastry. Consequently my starving family back home never received the pleasure of sampling one of these glorious creations as I’d throw them all out in the horrifying thought that Mrs B’s snot would be making up much of the filling. Except for my meat crumble! I was very proud of this and remember everyone upstairs on the 64 with their baskets precariously carrying that evening’s speciality.
Did you know that in 1985, the average house price in the UK was GBP34,169?! Jennifer Rush’s 'Power of Love' was that year’s best selling single, and 'We are The World' was released (love love love that song!). We would also have been nodding at our desks to Fergal Sharkey, ‘A Good Heart’ and Whitney Housten, ‘Saving All my Love for You’ during the last few months of 1985... bliss!
I reckon that it was sometime in early 1986 that we started to receive our first taste of Sex Education – and I’m not talking Mrs Bakerschomer passing round a (which was rumoured to have been used) ‘cap’ in Biology, but our very own sex educator, Judy Blume! Miss Miles caught Nikki Pessino reading a copy of ‘Forever’ behind her Maths text book, and I just betcha she was stuck reading page 81 over and over again! Yes girls, that’s when Katherine met the part of Michael’s anatomy which he called ‘Ralf’, and they did it, really did it, on the rug in front of the fire.. and thought their love would last ‘forever’ ... (until she went on holiday and promptly chucked Michael for Theo. Slut.).
Oh 1986! The year of my first perm! My mum told me I looked like Olivia Newton-John, my brother that my new hairdo and the Chernobyl disaster were no coincidence.. well at least I didn’t ‘look like a boy anymore’ – the greatest compliment Nick Davies on my paper round ever bestowed upon me. And now I was the same as almost everyone else in my class! And then came the perm with the back-combed fringe and a touch of Sun-In, tons of Insette, and the rest squeezed into a banana clip; hip, hop and happening!
10th May 1986 and Liverpool beat Everton 3-1 in the FA Cup Final, making them the League and Cup double champions for the season, get in there! A day I’ll never forget, dressed head to toe in the kit, including my unlucky goalie gloves which, once removed, Liverpool went on to score the 3 goals which clinched the game! I was round at Julie Coughlin’s house with Nicky Cheary and got drunk for the first, yet by no means the last, time on half a lager! These were the days of Jim Beglin (swoon!), Brucie and Jan Molby to name but a few.. Jan Molby – he lived round the corner from Hazel Foxley in Greasby, which made Greasby to me, the Berverly Hills of the Wirrsl.
And to make May probably the best month of 1986 for me, a week after the FA Cup Final, we were all holding chickens in the air and sticking deckchairs up our noses, when the Chicken Song reached number one, and rightly so!
And so Miss Murphy was our English and Classics teacher, a bit odd that one, plus she hated me! I couldn’t think why at the time but looking back she did ‘accuse’ me (falsely of course!) of plagarising Alison McGaw’s Classics homework on more than one occasion, to which I stupidly argued, "how do you know it wasn’t Alison who copied me?!" – well there was no argument there really was there! Alison McGaw was posh, highly intelligent and cool! I really like Alison. She played the cello on Saturday mornings with a boy called Gareth who wore fluorescent socks (super cool) and she used to describe exactly what her and Gareth got up to following their cello lesson in the empty classroom; we were gripped! Whether or not it was true, we couldn’t care less because Alison was living out all of the Sweet Valley High fantasies we had with Bruce Paxman, and she’d totally earned my respect!
Ms Edkins – bloody hell!! The fear of this woman I’m sure encompassed the whole of the Wirral, the ‘Leisure’ Peninsula ,whether you went to our school or not. Her reputation as Ms Evil preceded even our sitting of the 11 plus, and in fact gave good incentive to do one’s best to fail! Ms Edkins, ‘Bode’ our lovely R.E. teacher – she threw me out of a lesson for sniffing. She was a beast! Nicky Cheary and I found her number in the phone directory and called her up on a number of occasions all ready to scream obscenities at her, but were too scared to even do that. As soon as she answered, we hung up!
We learnt how to sew cushions with Mrs Moffat, had Music with Miss ‘Dolce’ Rickord who had one nostril bigger than the other, played Lacrosse and Netball with Miss Dean and Mrs Williams; I was shit at both, although myself and Peta Sheldrake could ‘cradle’ quite well I seem to remember.
Oh Peta Sheldrake – how I loved going to her house! ‘Grenaby’ the Neverland of the Wirral! She had everything, man! Pogo stick, unicycle, slippy slide, her OWN computer (what was one of those?), a Mickey Mouse telephone in her bedroom, electric toothbrushes AND Soda Stream! I used to go round for tea and have bloody McCain’s Micro Chips, WOW! “When you’ve got kids under your feet, and they want something quick to eat, just think McCain and save your day, 3 minutes here and you’re away! Quickety Quick, Micro Chip!”. Yum!
I think that Peta Sheldrake may also have completed the Matthew Haggett love triangle a few years later with myself and Sarah Withe! I am still very sorry Wivvo! We used to sit next to each other in History in complete silence during this dynasty!!
And History – with Mrs Sirett! I loved her. She used to cuddle me until I got lost in her huge boobs! And she loved her cat, and used to say, “Right then girls, pack away then please” – and I think it was Lindsey Nursaw who perfected this impression! (was it??!). Anyway, Mrs Sirett, boy could she talk, the amount of times you’d have to change the cartridge in your flaming fountain pen during one of her lessons! Our other fab History teacher at some stage there at Wirral was Mrs Dickinson, a truly lovely lady, who invited us all round for lunch after she’d had her hysterectomy so she could continue coaching us for our A-levels; and probably because we’d all been so rude about Mr Monobrow McCabe. Shit teacher! “Right let’s get out Morris” (yes beacause on page 86 there’s a picture of a Chinaman being beheaded!)
And who could forget Mr Loveland?! I thought he was cool for a couple of reasons; firstly he smoked, secondly he played the guitar and was a big fan of the Clash, his Dad or Grandad apparently sang or narrated Ivor the Engine!, his cousin was Bobby Davro, plus at the time he had two kids, Joseph and Emily who were,'‘on the back seat of the car" in my favourite Level 42 song, ‘Running in the Family’. Cool McCool!
Which brings me to Mrs Edwards! Holy shit! She was surely crazy? She used to shave off her eyebrows, pencil them back in and then rub them off and smudge them across her forehead when she started sweating . She also used to tell us of her various affairs with coach drivers who drove her to Europe in the holidays! There was this one day, I was sat at the front in R.E. (I took it at A Level thinking it would be easy. It wasn’t!) anyway, she sneezed, and this massive snot ball was hanging out of her nose. I made the mistake of looking round at Janet Watson who was also trying not to laugh ... well it was curtains for me, one of those, I really shouldn’t be laughing but there is no other option here! Hence I lost favour with yet another teacher!
Ah well – back to 1986 because something which would change our lives forever, for on October 27th 1986, Neighbours made its UK debut onto our screens - and that of the TV room at lunchtimes where we would sneak up to watch it, and fall in love with Scott, Mike and Clive? Well I did! Clive Gibbons the ginger Ramsay St doctor, phwoooargh! Who cared if Lucy Robinson looked completely different in every episode, or that Scott also appeared to have had reconstructive surgery, as too did Cody Willis and I’m sure many others.. we didn’t care! We didn’t care at all because Bouncer’s Dream made up for an otherwise unconvincing soap!
Anyway, this year drew to a close with the likes of Nick Berry (WOW!) heading the charts, and 'Reet Petite' as Xmas number one, with Top Gun as the highest grossing US film. Plus Cameo released 'Word Up' which must have been the inspiration behind Emma Heymans and I calling Burtons in Birkenhead and, in our best Yorkshire accents, and for no apparent reason, asking, “Hellooo do you sell them red leather jock straps that Cameo wear, s’il vous plait?” and then promptly hanging up.
This could also well have been the beginning of the chat-line era where you could call up (without your parents knowledge, until they got their phone bills of course) and talk to complete strangers about what I don’t know, but my name was Stacey, I remember that much!
Now, 1987! Your butt is mine! Oh yer, MJ releases Bad and for his trouble achieves the bestselling UK album of the year. And who can argue?? (don’t bother!) 'Man in the Mirror', 'Smooth Criminal', 'Dirty Diana', 'Leave Me Alone', 'I just Can’t Stop Loving You', 'The Way You Make me Feel', need I go on? And so I started coming to school with plasters on my fingers, and adorned my folders with pictures from Smash Hits and Look In of this wonderful creature, this musical genius with such snakehips that I have never seen before or since. He was, and always will be the King of Fucking Pop, and if I had a time machine, Bang! A hee hee and a hoo, a wooo and an Aouwww! We’d obviously be married. Shamone.
Other unforgettable additions to our memories this year of course – Dirty Dancing, bring it on! "Oh Johnny!" " I carried a watermelon?!" Oh yer! The Lost Boys, Fatal Attraction.. Going Live! And maybe Kathryn Ibbotson stuck in one of those really skinny cupboards at the front of class making farmyard noises!
1987 was also the beginning of, as soon as your parents are out let’s have a party, drink lots of cheap beer and wine and snog as many boys as possible! Nicky Cheary had a great party that November and I remember snogging Pete Huish to ‘I Get So Emotional’ by Whitney Housten; romance at its finest.
Sarah Scully had a very notorious party in Eastham or Bromborough maybe the following year where of course we were all ‘wasted’ on Concorde, Lambrusco, Thunderbirds or a can of Special Brew necked down with a paracetamol! Sometime during the evening the fridge door went missing, the police turned up and everyone went home covered in hickies! And a great night was had by all!
Stock, Aitken and Waterman were on the scene big time around now, as were patched jeans, cycling shorts, ski jackets and Filofaxes. Mel and Kim te te te te t t t t t te te ‘Respectable’, Rick Astley, 'Star Trekkin', and 'La Bamba' all got to number one, with the year finishing nicely with the Pet Shop Boys reaching the Xmas top spot.
What was happening in 1988 then? Well I’m sure this was the year of the couples, or maybe the year later. But do you remember the biggest love stories at Wirral in the 80s? Chris Woolly and Neil Davis? Jane Hopkins and Tony Sinkinson, Dawn Smith and Wiggy?! I mean I loved Grange Hill, but things were heating up at Wirral Grammar!
What I do know for sure is that on the 8th July 1988, we went to Bude, and Glen Medeiros was number one with, ‘Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You’, awwwww! Floppy!!! Bude was just the bestest holiday of my life! It was great. Canoeing, windsurfing, sailing (with Floppy ;-) ) rock climbing, abseiling, "boys, boys, boys, summertime love, summertime love" (Sabrina), and Kathryn Ibbotson throwing up 32 times in one night! I don’t know how else to describe it, other than Adventure International holds a very dear place in my heart, and I was to return there for many years after, covered in friendship bracelets!
Yazz released ‘The Only Way is Up’ sometime that summer, which was always a crowd pleaser at Breaks, Hume Hall and the Primrose. God I loved Breaks! Didn’t Julia break her nose there once when Joanne Huxley was surfing on her back?! Joanne Huxley – she had the dress that Kylie wore in the ‘I Should Be So Lucky’ video. Joanne was the envy of every girl in our year, surely! Or was it just me?!
Anyway, I wonder if this was the year of Mrs Yorke?! Yorkie! You got me Yorkin’! Our lovely red-headed wonder of a Maths teacher with that wart on her beautiful face! She made me, Helen Poll and Sarah Withe sit at the front for ‘misbehaviour’. Funny thing is, we were even worse at the front! This gave us very easy access to Yorkie’s handbag for starters! One time, when she was drawing god knows what pyethagasaurussomethingmathsrelated crap on the board, we swapped the board duster for a packet of tampons which were peeping out of her bag. And in perfect Carry-On style, she turned round and absently picked up the tampax box to wipe the board! Ha ha ha!!! She also told Julia she looked lovely when she was wearing that goddam awful wig of Kathryn’s, god bless her! Every time she turned her back we’d move something on her desk and fill her handbag with random crap. Oh how I loved Maths! Especially as we spent the best part of lessons writing her name as many times as possible for that bloody Radio City Teacher of the Year competition! She loved that! I remember her reaching number 3 at one stage with something like 8,000 votes (or times we’d written her name). Funny how I don’t think any of us made the ‘extended paper’ for our GCSEs! “Talk about oblivious, that don’t come in to it!” “Hush a minute, p-leeeease!” were some of her famous quotes!
Mr Nadin. David Ainsley Nadin! He who loved Margaret Thatcher, had a moustache and a comb over. When he was our form teacher, why, I don’t know, but Kathryn and I ‘kidnapped’ the class bin and sent him postcards and ransom notes from top tourist spots like the Civic Centre and Mayor Park. We then did the same with ‘Alice’ the class painting. Which actually, I’m sure Debi Wilson and Julia then paraded around Breaks in a shopping trolley, with which we subsequently walked home , along with one of Monique’s legs. Monique was a mannequin from the Drama Studio I think??!! What the? And on our last day with Nadin, Kathryn and I pinned him down on his chair, sprayed his comb over with hairspray and spiked it into a Mohican. And he just sat there and took it! Respect to you David Nadin!
1989 was the year of Jason Donovan! His bloody album ‘Ten Good Reasons’ was the UK’s best selling that year. (NB this should not detract any kudos from Bad, ok!). Also, 'Especially For You' was released. How I loved that song! I think this is when we all started heading off to the Willies and the Colts; fantastic times! Nikki Pessino introduced me to Bacardi and coke, and I’ve never looked back. I remember going to the Willies one night in a men’s paisley pyjama top, and probably thinking I looked pretty special? Oh dear. Yes paisley – we couldn’t get enough! Especially popular I recall were paisley waistcoats! Hot diggedy dog!
1989 was sadly the year of Hillsborough, I remember balling to 'Eternal Flame' by the Bangles that night on April 15th. But it was also the year that Liverpool beat Everton again in the FA Cup Final. God Everton are crap! ;-) The Berlin Wall comes down, and we meet Baywatch and Byker Grove. Spuggy! Jive Bunny anyone?!
I think the most popular toons we were bopping to at the Willies during this year however were 'Back to Life by Soul II Soul and Black Box’s 'Ride on Time!' Fantastic!
The latest fashion accessory by the time 1989 made us 5th formers was the Upper 6th Form boyfriend! Sarah Williams went out with Johnny Hughes! Helen Poll with Dave Drury and me with Andrew ‘Chubby’ Davies, Elaine’s big brother! We were so cool man! I remember I went out with Chubby from the September until the following April (very serious!) when he then unceremoniously chucked me after an infamous camping trip to Thursaston and a bottle of Taboo... but that’s another story, isn’t it, Ms Poll?!!
Friday nights were Oval nights where, I don’t think any of us ever actually went swimming (not good for the perm I’m guessing) but just sat upstairs in the cafe .. doing what? I really don’t know, certainly not revising for our GCSEs that’s for sure!
So this was the end of the 80s for us, my favourite ever decade, and one I have been trying to revive since, um 1990?! I should mention the food fight in the common room that fateful day back in 1992 ... well, although I did get the blame, along with Jane Gercken and a few others, I’m sure I was misrepresented! I only brought in gravy mix and food dye! I put the food dye in the tanks of the ladies staff toilets, I don’t think the gravy mix ever made it out of the packet! All I can recall is a vision of Jane Gercken covered head to toe in baked beans and spaghetti! Miss Baines called us all in to her office one at a time and told us all she was, “h-white with anger” which made me laugh and I had to pretend to be crying. I remember ringing Mr Loveland at home and saying, “does this mean I’m expelled now?” to which he replied, “yes, Kate.” and put the phone down! Oh! I still have the letter Baines sent to my Mum where I was named as an “instigator”, and which my Mum has never read to this day! I shall root it out next time I’m in Blighty and post it on here! What a way to end my stay at Wirral, I’m very proud!
I don’t recall not liking anyone at school. Maybe Beccy Ryan in the year below as she scared the shit out of me and punched me once in the Art Block for snogging who I thought was my boyfriend, Steve Smith. Apparently not! But other than that, I thought everyone was pretty cool, I mean we were, weren’t we?! You only have to look at the photos!
Soooo, “everywhere we go-o, People wanna know-o, who we ar-are and where we come from. SO we tell ‘em we’re from Wirral, Mighty Mighty Wirral! And if they can’t hear us, we shout a little louder, EVERYWHERE WE GO-O.......!”
I thank you all for making these memories, I wouldn’t change any of them! When else in our lives would we get away with such ridiculousness and hilarity? "I can’t answer, I can’t answer that!"
